I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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