You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
