you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
