i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
