Cold hands, warm shart.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
