drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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