It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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