Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
