so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
