the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
