Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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