the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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