In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
