Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
