not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
