you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
