New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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