tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
