So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He better not be in your backpack
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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