yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
