Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
