I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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