my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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