she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
