I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
