There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
