my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
