I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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