Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
