'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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