Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
