You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
