Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
