I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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