i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
