Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
