Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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