you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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