Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
