every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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