i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
