I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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