been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You made out with two different species that night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
