hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
