My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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