when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
