Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
