I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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