All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
