watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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