You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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