i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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