Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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