Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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