It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
